How Can I Protect My Child From an Unreliable Co-Parent?

 Posted on July 12, 2022 in Divorce

Any parent who has dealt with an unreliable ex knows how frustrating it can be. When your co-parent shows up late to custody swaps, fails to call the kids when they say they will, or forgets to share important information, you end up picking up the slack. Unfortunately, this usually means explaining to your child why their other parent is always letting them down, while simultaneously trying to avoid bashing your ex. Here are four pieces of advice for Illinois parents trying to help their kids deal with unreliable co-parents. 

Avoid Taking Your Frustration Out on Your Kids

Because your children are there when your co-parent does not come to appointments or fails to pack important homework, your kids can easily become the catch-all for your frustrations. But try to remember that your co-parent's behavior is also affecting them and they do not have the maturity or context to manage their disappointment as well as you do. Find a great friend or therapist you can complain to when your ex fails to show up so your kids do not have to deal with your frustration, too. 

Acknowledge Your Children’s Feelings

Your children will likely come to you to talk about what is happening, and you will need to balance a fine line between acknowledging their feelings and not badmouthing your ex. You can acknowledge how your ex’s behavior makes them feel and make generalized statements about challenges your ex may be having. You may even be able to make it a learning opportunity for how our choices can affect other people. 

Set Boundaries and Stick to Them

It can be exhausting to maintain boundaries with someone who seems to have no respect for anyone but themselves, but it is essential when co-parenting with someone who is unreliable. Do not allow your ex to interrupt important events because they have suddenly decided to become available or drop in to get the children without warning. Communicate clearly and simply and allow your attorney to take further action if necessary. 

Stick to the Parenting Plan

Even if your ex is something of a personal disaster, do not change the parenting plan without getting approval from a judge. You can show yourself to be a strong, reliable parent by not engaging in tit-for-tat behaviors; trust your ex’s behavior to speak for itself. Do make it clear that you are willing to ask a judge to change a parenting plan if your ex does not adhere to its terms, but be non-threatening and simply point out the parts of the plan your ex is violating. 

Meet with a DuPage County Parenting Agreement Lawyer

At The Stogsdill Law Firm, P.C., we understand that protecting your children is one of the most important parts of your role as a parent. To that end, if your co-parent is so unreliable or abusive to your children, we will work with you to determine whether it is appropriate to request a modification to your parenting agreement. Call us today at 630-462-9500 to schedule a consultation with one of our experienced Wheaton, IL parenting agreement attorneys today. 

Source: 

https://www.ilga.gov/legislation/ilcs/ilcs4.asp?DocName=075000050HPt%2E+VI&ActID=2086&ChapterID=59&SeqStart=8675000&SeqEnd=12200000