How Should I Tell My Kids We Are Divorcing?

 Posted on August 09, 2024 in Divorce

Breaking the news of divorce to your children is one of the most difficult conversations you may ever have as a parent. As parents, we want to protect our kids from pain and confusion. However, discussing divorce is a necessary step in helping them understand the change happening in their lives. The way you approach this sensitive topic can significantly impact their emotional well-being. Before talking with your kids, seek advice from a lawyer about how to best go about this painful but important, conversation.

Decide What You Will Say Beforehand

Before sitting down with your children, take time to plan what you will say. Consider the key points you want to convey, ensuring your message is clear and gentle. It may help to practice your words or write them down. Keeping the conversation focused and straightforward will help your children grasp the situation better and feel more secure during the discussion.

Carefully Select the Right Time and Place

Timing and setting are crucial when discussing a significant change like divorce. Select a quiet, comfortable environment where your children feel safe. Make sure there are no distractions – turn off the TV, put the cellphones away, and give your kids your complete attention. Choose a time when everyone is calm and can engage in a thoughtful conversation rather than when emotions are high or after a long day.

Talk to Your Children Together

Whenever possible, have this conversation together with your co-parent. Presenting a united front can help alleviate your children’s concerns and provide reassurance that both parents are committed to supporting them throughout the transition. It also reinforces that the decision to divorce is not their fault and that both parents will remain involved in their lives.

Speak in an Honest and Gentle Way

When explaining the divorce, honesty is important. Use language your kids understand, avoiding legal terminology or complex explanations that may confuse them. For example, you may decide to say, "Mom and Dad have been having a tough time getting along. We have decided that it would be best if we lived separately." This approach maintains transparency while being gentle, allowing them to process the information 

without feeling overwhelmed.

Utilize a Non-Blaming Narrative

While you and your spouse may feel angry at each other, frame the conversation with your kids in a way that avoids placing blame on yourself or the other parent. Focus on the changes rather than the reasons behind the divorce and emphasize that it is a decision made by both parents. This narrative helps your children understand that both of you will care for them deeply, regardless of the circumstances in your relationship.

Contact Our Wheaton, IL Divorce Attorney Today

Telling your kids about divorce is undoubtedly challenging, but by approaching the conversation with care, honesty, and empathy, you can help them understand and adapt to the changes ahead. To secure compassionate legal counsel for your divorce, contact the DuPage County, IL divorce lawyers with The Stogsdill Law Firm, P.C.. Call 630-462-9500 for a confidential consultation.